It’s about that time. Training camp is here, and pre-season is right around the corner. I got my e-mail that my season tickets were mailed out. I’m all SMILES. I’m super excited to watch my favorite teams and to see some of my favorite players come play. I will say this, I do have my eyes on LA and Tulsa (Minnesota and Phoenix are the obvious pick). With that said, I’m going to watching a lot of the western conference match-ups. But in the east I’m always faithful to my Liberty and I’m definitely going to be supporting Chicago, except for when they play the liberty. I would cheer for Washington Mystics but I only really like Matee Ajavon. I really think she is raw and underrated! Connecticut is another team I have my eyes on. If there are two teams that I am NOT, I repeat, I am NOT watching it’s Atlanta Dream and Seattle Storm. I never liked the Dream, and Seattle traded Swin Cash so there is no point in ever tuning in. With all of that being said, I am not too thrilled with Liberty’s pick in the draft but they are my home team so I have to believe that something good will come out of it!
Maybe in the end it will all make sense. I really don’t like being touched. I don’t want people hugging me, or giving me a kiss on the cheek. There really isn’t much to it. Truth is, I haven’t really sat down to analyze why. I’ve always been the type to be quiet with how I feel, or how peoples actions or lack of actions make me feel. But I’m now learning that I should be more open and tell people. I’m working on that! The other day I met my friends boyfriend for the first time. We’ve known about each other but we’ve never really gotten the chance to meet each other. So I walk through the door and she says “Kevin, this is my friend Kehinde I’ve been telling you about. Kehinde this is Kevin” (I hate introductions and you will find out why) This is the part where he will either hug me, give me a handshake, or give me a pound depending on the type of man that he is. He looks like a gentleman, you know, the type of man that gives hugs! (My friend might actually have a keeper) In my head I’m like “please don’t let this guy touch me” because I know my natural reaction will put him off. Being typical Kehinde, I’d probably give him like a side-ways hug (if I’m in a good mood), or like extend my hand in like .01112765383 seconds to create enough distance between us so he can’t give me a hug. I know I have to think of something fast. A light bulb goes off in my head and says “Day, just be honest”. So I simply state, “It’s nice meeting you, and I don’t in anyway mean to offend you by what i’m about to say, but I’m not a hugger” He smiles and says, “It’s nice to finally meet you Kehinde” In my head I was excited, I got a smile! There is no tension in the air. We sat down and talked for hours about music and sports, mainly basketball. I invited him to a WNBA game this summer. He seems pretty open for it. He played some of his music for me and I did the same. He’s pretty cool. It’s getting late and I really have to get home. I go upstairs and say my ‘See ya laters’ to the rest of her family. (I’m laughing right now because this what I always do when its time for me to say good bye or it was nice meeting you to someone. I always walk to the door and yell “BYE everyone”) So here I am getting ready to do my Don’t want to make contact or have an awkward conversation so I yell BYE as I exit the door walk. I reach the bottom of the steps and realize that he’s not in family room. Shit, he must be standing my the damn door. I chuckled because I knew I was actually going to have to give him a proper farewell like normal human beings. I walk to the door and he’s standing there smiling and says “Kehinde, it was a pleasure meeting you. I look forward to seeing more of you” and he extends his hand. My hand met his and they embraced! In that moment there really wasn’t any word that could explain how I felt. But the me today, the me sitting here typing this blog and reminiscing feels elated that he accepted who I was. It’s crazy though because I know a lot of people are probably like, “Damn, she’s lame for that”. But he accepted the fact that I’m not a hugger and I’m content with that.
Yesterday, while lining up my class, a second grader came up to me and told me I was a good teacher. Naturally I was supposed to say thank you, but there is nothing natural about me. I asked what made her say that. She said, “Your class doesn’t listen to you because you are their teacher, they listen to you because they want to”. I then said thank you and asked her to join her group. I do go get frustrated a lot with the nature of my work, but its comments like that makes everything I do at work worth it! It’s easy for me to believe that my presence makes a difference, but it’s everything that I do in between that makes a difference.
I was working job number two the other day and one of my coworkers said to me, “If you were given a million dollars right now, what would you get?”. Normally most people have a quick answer to that questions. But he asked Day, Me! Most people would say a house, car, clothes etc. But me, I did not…
sweety you’re way too needy, i need some time alone you tell me that you need me, im tryna find my zone you say im never down, butwhen you’re down im up you say im never round, & im only down to fuck you hate the rumors & the feeling that im cheating on ya & im aware that ya last nigga was beatin on ya thats why you ran to me, im ya knight in shining armor you look at me like im the one who put that ring on ya but when you feel as if im going away your emotions, your actions, they blow me away & the shit that comes out ya mouth is horrible wait look if you really want me, then you gotta show me today its ours, i dont mean the 24 in a day i mean ours, yours + mine, the formula babe but at the same time, i feel theres something about you that i didnt know before, & now im quite sure that…
youre just the girl who cried relationship the type to break apart the pieces just to make em fit & everything i say, i know how youre taking it i dont gotta see ya face, i know that youre hatin it —-& if it wasn’t true…why would i say it is?
she looked at me & said this
i dont like to see you hurt, but if it came to that point, i would be the first to put you in a sling, why would i put you in a hearse? babe, i need you, i dont mind the hospital visits ill get to see you take a moment, think about the stories i could read you you wont even need a nurse, ima feed you what i call dedication you call evil i dont take medication, you say i need to no, i just need that love you supply me with its only meant for me, yeah we were meant to be you believe in fate, i know you do, baby i can see it on ya face im close to you, this isnt something you can replace, thats what im showing you if they sent you to outer space, i’d be going too & when she talkin like that, what im sposed to do? so i decide to say the only thing i know is true
youre just the girl who cried relationship the type to break apart the pieces just to make em fit the same hand that i hold, you use to make a fist & beat the shit out of any chances of making it
this is what we’ve come to, ain’t nowhere to run to theres so many mistakes made, cant even undo we dont even overlook the small shit alotta verbal shots, like we’re looking at a target take a couple shots, now i’m feelin like a target shorty doesnt stop, its apparent that shes heartless tellin me, nobody deserves you but me, so just let it be i said im puttin me before you, letter t its crazy how i have to make it worse, to better me love has another side, that some people never see i’m tryna let her go- i’m tryna set her free but before that shes ready to be the death of me…
Peace to Angel for agreeing to work with me. Peace to The Roots for such a compelling instrumental to work with. Peace to You for listening & supporting unsigned talent.
God, i love this fucking man. Thank you, for allowing me to be a part of this.
“Have you ever felt so lost it felt like nobody would find you? and they say you’d never be better than what you left behind you? good or bad, whatever it entails..positive fails, and the negative prevails and you could be present in a room full of people and they still make you feel like you’re by yourself? Everybody hates you, the pit that you’re in is bottomless. & they could stare right through you & you just feel like you do not exist? Then they shit on your worth, beat the shit out your pride, til it gets to the point where it’s do or die Yo, I done lost so many fucking friends to suicide. So this is for you, if you’re listening to this. get that gun up off your head, and take that knife off your wrists. cause you’re beautiful to me, and in my eyes you’re the shit so, fuck whoever don’t believe, just keep telling them this…”
“On February fifteenth, a day immediately after another you hate
You told me, smiling doesn’t get you anywhere in life.
I can’t explain the way my guts turned, the way my thoughts burned with all of the memories
All of the times, I felt I could be ready to die…and you’d look me right in my tear filled eyes and say
“smile, babe..don’t cry”
And All i can wonder now is what changed that for you?
Is it the way I loved you? So roughly I tore you into pieces that no longer believe in the beauty of a smile
Was it life and all it’s choices and choosing that removed the smile that was like a beauty mark on your face?
Or..Did you let your sorrows erase you?
Was it your lack of freedom? Was it the fact that people are idiots who find gold mines inside of beautiful people like you, and don’t know how to treat em?
Had you been sucked dry? Pretending the smile came from inside every time Id seen it?
The mile long walk across the teeth that emerged from the midst of your lips.
When you felt it…was my heaven
You used to smile like the ends of your mouth could grow their own hands, reach into the mirrors in your eyes and tear your soul out.
You used to smile like the sun was smiling at you in the midst of your troubles, telling you the night you’ll endure for only a moment, but the light from its lips will return in the morning.
Like the moon lit your room with a light so perfect, when we kissed you’d swear heaven had birthed it.
Like there were angels in attendance, that tore love from your appendix and shoved it down my throat…forcing me to swallow it whole.
Like the glow from your soul became the light in your eyes I was so used to having guide me…having hide me from my darkness.
You used to smile and it would ripe apart,
But you are so different now.
I dont know who you are, I can’t figure you out.
But if I retraced my steps, I could count all the times I’ve seems you hurt, seen all the weight youve been forced to carry, and maybe at that moment, I’d kneel before you. Knees bruising the ground beneath them, and ask you to place your burdens upon my shoulders.
And I would carry them for you for this lifetime and ten times over.
Just so the weight of your burdens wouldn’t become the pain in your smile
Just so the thought of a smile wouldnt be weighing you down.
Just so you would believe that every day of my life I spend fifteen seconds taking a glimpse into heaven, when you smile…
You don’t know the beauty of it all
I’ve seen the slowing of a heart that has aged with pain restart and beat with a rapidity that would make infinity shamed.
I’ve seen scars healed, minds filled with positivity, people brought together, friendships mended, soul mates found…
And All of this Just from a smile.
So, the next time I see it, I’ll run into your arms like the wives and children of the soldiers whose souls were thought to be stolen by the lives they’ve taken…mistakes they’ve made, by the pieces of themselves theyve thought to have lost
And you will show me the way back to myself, and watch me become as new as I always do.
And maybe this love will turn into the one thing, that birthed a thousand others that give you a reason to smile
It may take a while, but I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than what I see when you do.
I don’t believe in anything more than I believe in you.
So, smile for me baby, even when this world tries to tear you in two.