My Truth

I’m 24 and I feel like I’m growing everyday. I’m not the same person I was at 22 and I don’t settle for the same things I settled for at that age. I’ve accomplished so much in two years mentally that I honestly feel like I don’t deserve to be treated the way that I’m currently being treated. I’m not hurt or anything, I’m more annoyed and pissed. It sucks that for the last two years I can tell a person “This is what you are doing and it makes me feel this way” and they give me an answer like “I’m just being me” or “You’re overreacting” or “This is how I am with everyone” or “I’ve always been this way”. NEWSFLASH, Just because you are stuck in your ways, does not mean that your ways are always right. It’s best you get out of your own way, because your way does break hearts. It takes a lot for me to tell people how I feel not because I’m scared but because I’d rather just cut off all ties with you. But I feel like if I’m taking the time out to tell you that what you’re doing isn’t healthy for our relationship, I’d hope that you’d change. Make no mistake, I don’t expect anyone to change for me. But I do expect you to change for yourself because I know the next person who comes along might not be so nice. I guess this is what I get for trying to change a ‘ninja’. I’m a firm believer of not making situations bigger than what they are if they won’t matter tomorrow to ME. Allow me to explain, I get sick and tired of hearing after an argument “Oh, it’s not even that serious to me”, “I get over thing easily”. Obviously this is our 100th time arguing over this same situation. We’re not having this discussion because you were able to get over our heated argument. We’re having this conversation because you did such and such or said such and such and this is how it made me feel. I’m not emotional as people make me out to be. I’m not the type to sit there and cry or get mad at what people say. But I am passionate about making you aware that you don’t have the right to say or do anything to me that I would never do to you. If there is one thing I will always do, it’s hold myself accountable for any of my wrong doings. But it’s hard when you’re in a relationship and the person you are in a relationship with refuses to see their fault and makes you out to be the bad guy or the over emotional one. Over time it will become toxic. I refuse to put myself in a situation like this again. I’m not broken or defeated or anything I’m just annoyed that I allowed myself to be in a relationship with this person for so long. I keep asking myself ‘why did I stay?’ But it’s a learning experience, one that I am happy that I had. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself ‘It’s Not Me’ and move on.

I was sitting here writing down my list of things to do for the week and it occurred to me that the new season of Scandal is set to air on Thursday. I’m so excited that I don’t even think I will sleep tonight. I want to stay up and watch season 1. I plan on throwing a viewers party at my house for all my friends and associates that watch Scandal. I’m EXCITED!